mainstream teenage nature 101

always have a friend to walk to each class with. never walk alone.

talk to lots of people, but don't get too close. (heaven forbid you make a new friend)

when you walk down an empty hallway always have your phone on hand. 

only smile at people that you know will smile back. (who wants to be seen smiling for "no reason")

make sure everyone knows that your life is worse than theirs. (even when they don't want to know)

don't do anything that could get you labeled, because labels last forever.

always cram the night before for tests. (or at least say you do)

pretend you're not religious. (because that's too normal.)

 one up everyone about how little sleep you have gotten. (when you really went to bed at 9:42)

complain about your parents. (even if you actually like them)

let them know how much your siblings suck. (even if they're your best friend)

make sure everyone hears about the hot guy you kissed at the party. (even if he's not real)

use the excuse "my printer is out of ink" at least once.

say your curfew is non existent. (when it really is 11:01)

pretend you don't care about your grades. (even though you study till your brain is fried crispy)

tell your parents it's the teachers fault that you didn't do your homework.

don't let anyone know who you are.

they will chew you up, 

and spit you out.

stay safe friends.

lies

my fears lie in the darkest parts of the ocean,

my fears lie within the pages of a four hour test booklet,

my fears lie within the dirt and stench of the man standing on the street corner with a cardboard sign,

my fears lie within the first color of the rainbow,

my fears lie in a hive full of honey.

they lie in the suspicious man following me down the street,

they lie in the sound of fireworks,

my fears lie in the high expectations you set 

my fears lie in the disease possibilities woven in my dna,

they lie in the wrinkles of my pale pink brain.

my fears lie in gpa tab of skyward

my fears lie in an empty picture frame.

 my fears lie in a cap and gown.

my fears lie. 

and i don't like liars.

medication

 we are all slowly dying. 
 breathing through rotten lungs
and loosing our sight. 
most of the time i'm dead inside.

but i found a cure,

nothing but the windows down

the smell of changing leaves, 
winding roads, and loud music.

an apology to all creative writing students

to be brutally honest, 

there were only a few people in my class that i could stand.

i almost transferred out for that very reason.
but things have changed.

i saw you in class, laughing with your friends.

i would have bet all my lifesavings that you had a perfect family.

i go home and read all these blogs,

and i see a different side of you.
the scared side, the lonely side, the insecure side, the broken side, the lost side, the scarred side,
and i realize just how hard we ALL have it.

i  thought i was the only one who could put on a brave face.

i look at the quiet girl in the back corner and remember the post i read last night,
was it her parents who went through that nasty divorce?

this is an apology to every creative writing student.

i'm sorry your health holds you back from doing all the things that you love, 

i'm sorry that you're a middle child,

i'm sorry you have nightmares you wish were true,

i'm sorry your dad has cancer,

i'm sorry you lost your best friend,

i'm sorry you were painted orange when you liked red better,

i'm sorry you had to replace your zipper.
i'm sorry you're scared,

i'm sorry you cry yourself to sleep at night,

i'm sorry your parents split up. 

i'm sorry you're scared to go home,

i'm sorry you have so many burdens to carry,

i'm sorry you still feel alone in a sea of people.
i'm sorry i don't say hi to you in the hallway.

but most importantly,
i'm so sorry that i judged you 
i had no right and i had no place.

please try and find a way to forgive me.
 

my back is killing me

the weight is unbearable,

curving your spine so far back that your insides have to rearrange.

breathing is nearly impossible,

and the pressure on your shoulders cause your arms loose all blood flow. 

your industrial strength, army issued, hiking back pack is full.

and has been since the tenth grade.

a brick for every bad day,

 for every mean thing you say,

 for every time you cause unneeded drama.

a brick for ignoring a cry for help,

a brick for blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong,

 for the accident you almost caused after school,

 for not fixing things when you had the chance.

 for every relationship you break,

and a brick for every little mistake you think you make.

carrying around all this useless baggage.

for what reason?

you don't know where else to store the bricks.

i guess you'll need a bigger back pack.

sorry folks, the show is cancelled

my joints grind as they are yanked up and down. 

my frail body thuds against the stage

 right arm up,

left leg down,

spin.

all eyes are glued to the stage,

 and all lips are glued in a smile

watching and laughing at our pitiful existence.

 it's been too long.

the strings have grown into my skin.

i try to keep them from moving me,

but i've lost all control.

this is all my fault. 

how could i let it get this far? 

i just wanted to be noticed

 i just wanted to be wanted.

i cared when i shouldn't have.

so much for being seen, 

i turn my head and look at the other preformers

  

how did we all get like this?

when did we go from living life, to preforming in this puppet show?

i don't want to be a puppet anymore,

but i've forgotten how to move without my strings.

you gotta want it

true love is rainy days and loud thunder

true love is the perfect home cooked meal,

true love is a perfect cup of hot chocolate on a cold day

true love is a surprise lunch date,

true love is thinking of others before yourself,

true love is interwoven fingers,

true love is a sunrise,

true love is sharpie ink,

true love still exists without make up

true love is a security system.

true love is two rings and a flower girl

true love is peanut butter and honey

true love is a meadow of wild flowers

true love is wrestling alligators

 true love is sharing a headstone.

TRUE LOVE IS WORK.

and true love is real.