this is my story, and i'm sticking to it

i remember going camping in tinny flats with all my cousins, and always getting campsite 15
i remember late nights around the campfire, and long hikes to the bathroom
i remember crying when i saw a racoon for the first time, and not sleeping at all that night.

i remember the first time i went to the beach and my dad told me that the water tasted like cotton candy
i remember when my sister insisted that sharks could in fact walk on land.
i remember when my first sand castle went out with the tide, and took my shovel with it.

i remember having bath robe fashion shows in my unfinished basement with my sisters.
i remember when my brother pulled the head off my only ken doll, after using it to clean the toilet.
i remember when i finally got my own room, and getting scared to be alone at night.

i remember when i used to act the same at school as i did at home, and the friends who stuck by me.
i remember how the kids would tease me for being weird.
i remember the first time i rode a bike without tipping over, and how free i felt.

i remember totally biffing on a scooter, and knocking out a few of my teeth.
i remember the long wait at the ER and the cold ice pack they made me put on.
i remember the surgeries that followed, and the new pair of glasses.

i remember the summer before seventh grade when i did something to make me happy, not someone else.
i remember the feeling i had after i played my first softball game.
i remember not caring how bad it hurt to get hit with the ball, because i wanted to be where the action was.

i remember how weird i was in the eighth grade, and wonder how anyone could have liked me.
i remember looking at my closet and only seeing tye dye shirts, mens sweat pants and converse.
i remember the first time i saw my parents fight.

i remember the only time i didn't burn my tongue on hot chocolate, was when i left it in the fridge too long
i remember the only year of my life that i didn't want to be a cosmetologist.
i remember the awkward feeling when my neighbor found his older brother dead, and had to live with us for two weeks.

i remember the naive feeling of invincibility on the first day of ninth grade.
i remember the first time i met my best friend jean, and going to her house on friday the thirteenth.
i remember having my first kiss on the american fork baseball field.

i remember my first art class, and feeling so inferior to every one.
i remember when i actually started to get friends, and they stayed
i remember when my friday night schedules consisted of more than hanging out with my mom

i remember starting high school and being so excited to graduate.
i remember the first math teacher that actually understood why i struggled.
i remember wearing a peacock feather dress to my first school dance, and feeling like a princess.

i remember taking my first and only ACT.
i remember how fast the time went by, and how i got 10 points below all three of my sisters.

i remember when i got braces because my teeth were straight, but not straight enough.
i remember the day my coach told me that i was good enough to play college softball.

i remember seeing the orange sky when my neighbors house burned down on my birthday.
i remember when my friend told me she showed me why she always wore long sleeves.
i remember when i hated going to school and skipped every assembly.

i remember waking up for the first day of senior year, and only going because my brother needed a ride.
i remember cringing every time i heard the word college.
i remember being so terrified at the thought of ever moving out.

this is my life, and i love it.

i went on a trip to paris france

it was one of those trips that you don't really want to go on, but your parents bought the "non refundable" plane tickets.

it was one of those trips where you are going and going, with no time in between to wrap your head around everything that has happened.

it was one of those trips where no one could understand me, not even my family. their brains were clouded by cocktails, croissants, and caviar.

it was one of those trips that you really can't be yourself, because who roams the streets of paris in sweats and a sweatshirt?

it was one of those trips that you can't say what you need to, because tourists can only "ooh" and "ahhh"

it was one of those trips that you have to look back on to find the joy.

it was one of those trips that you were glad you went on, but you would be okay if you never went back. ever.

because it was one of those trips, i'll stick with paris idaho for now.

shout out to steven o. jordan

a list of 21 things i love about your blog

1. your posts are always real.
2. your blog has more than just the weekly blog post.
3. you tell it like it is
4. your tab with all those super deep questions is unreal
5. your quotes tab is so inspirational
6. your posts are long, but worth reading ever word.
7. your first post "dear mormons" was unbelievable.
8. how you chose your pen name
9. you show all sides of yourself
10. i can tell how much time you take
11. you use lots of lists
12. this quote "I feel like I'm Prometheus chained to the rock waiting for my heart to get torn out everyday just hoping that the eagle is still full off my heart he ate yesterday and he lets me just keep it one day to see what it feels like."
13. your music goes perfect with every post
14. you express the sad things, without being to depressing
15. all your posts give me motivation to be better
16. your background picture
17. how you use different fonts, sizes, and colors in almost every post. (it makes them more memorable)
18. your writing relates to every one. happy, or sad, boy or girl.
19. your writing is like a punch in the gut. (in a good way)
20. your post about the lessons you have learned.
21. your reveal.

lastly, thank you.
thank you for all the effort that you put in
thank you for your words of wisdom
for making me think
for being memorable
thank you for being real.

i'm sorry this post doesn't do you justice, but still

thank you for everything.

■■■■■ out

                                                
                                                
                                                
                                                
                                                

            hope                                

                                    will        

                    restore                     

      the                                       

                             breaks             

                                                
                                                
                                                

                          within                

                                                

                                                

            these                               

                              walls